Wrath of Lamb July 19/10

So, on the weekend my buddy Dave was taking his nephew out to buy him a birthday present, and he asked if me and my little boy wanted to join them. So we went to this place called the "Build a Bear Workshop'. It's a really cool concept... you pick out a bear you like, then you build it, with the help of the staff. So, they have all these unstuffed animals in bins, all different prices... I felt like I would be a bad father if I didn't get one for Martin, so I steered him towards the cheap section, and he picked out a furry brown rabbit.

Then the nightmare truly began.

A very pleasant young woman took our rabbit to this stuffing machine, and then rammed a large metal tube up its backside. She had Martin step on a pedal that shot wads of stuffing inside his rabbit. Then she made him close his eyes, make a wish and jump three times, while she sewed up the back of the rabbit like a surgeon. Then it was bath time... we took the rabbit to this table where she proceeded to blow dry the rabbit and brush it... then she pulled out a pair of scissors and snipped the excess thread from the rabbit's back... this was traumatizing for both Martin and myself. Then she took us to a giant wall full of clothing and accessories... everything you could imagine... she asked if I wanted to buy an outfit, and realizing this could get very expensive, I declined. She said 'Oh, you're just going out with a bare rabbit? No clothes? What if it gets cold?' Lady, it's a piece of stuffed cloth. I was starting to believe she really thought she had created life or something.

Then, we had to name the rabbit and print out a birth certificate, and register it in case we lost it. Finally, it came time to pay, and the man behind the counter was most enthusiastic. He told me when I got home, to take an online survey about my experience and be entered to win some prize. He actually said "Tell us about what a Bear-tastic time you had... thank you and have a Fur-bulous day".

I think next time I'll do it the old-fashioned way... buy a bear and walk out of the store.