Wrath of Lamb March 17/10

It's St. Patrick's Day today.


I've always thought it was weird that Ireland was given it's own day every year. Nothing against Ireland... my wife is Irish... it's just that... why Ireland? About 4-million people live in Ireland. There's twice as many people in Bulgaria. But I don't see St. Climent of Ohrid Day. But we celebrate St. Patrick's Day. It's amazing how EVERYbody gets into it... whether they're Irish or not... it crosses cultural boundaries. Last year on St. Patricks Day, I saw a guy down in Centennial Square drinking the GREEN cough syrup.

St. Patrick was a Christian missionary in the fifth century who helped convert the Irish royalty and aristocracy and bring in a new age of Christianity. And so to celebrate this fact, we get drunk on green beer and have shamrocks tattooed on our faces. I say great. But lets set aside days for other cultures, too. How about Belgium Day... we can all eat waffles and be boring. Or Slovakia Fest, where we do whatever it is Slovakians do.

In the meantime, I say Happy St. Patricks Day... and may your home always be too small to hold all your friends.

Wrath of Lamb March 16/10

So, the government wants to regulate the use of snowmobiles and other off-road machines. This of course comes in the wake of the two people who got killed in that huge avalanche near Revelstoke the other day. They want to license snowmobilers. Because, at this point, anyone who can afford one can ride one.

I've only been on a snowmobile a couple times in my life. I was up in Yellowknife in the middle of January, doing an internship at a radio station up there, and one of the guys at the station offered to take me out on his snowmobile. I pictured a nice toodle around on a frozen field somewhere. No. After we had a couple beers, I got on the back of this thing and he proceeded to take me out on the ice highway. If you don't know what the ice highway is, it's Great Slave Lake. Totally frozen solid and turned into a major highway. We were doing 110 kilometres an hour, on sheer ice, with semis zooming past us. Did I mention it was 30 below and pitch black darkness? I truly thought I was gonna die.

So, if that's someone's idea of a good time, then I say have at it. I don't think if he had a license it would have made it any less terrifying.

Wrath of Lamb March 15/10

Peter Graves died yesterday.

He was 83 years old, and I know many of you have probably never heard of him. He was mostly known for playing tough guys and spies and stuff in the 60s. But then he did a movie in 1980 that showed him in a whole new light. And it was a movie that had a HUGE impact on me.

The movie was called 'Airplane'.

My parents took me to see it in the theatre when I was 9 years old. It was the first time I heard swearing in a movie, and the first time I saw boobies. It was the funniest thing I had ever seen, and I doubt I even understood half the jokes. 'Airplane' is still one of my favourite movies. It's a little dated now, but it paved the way for all the 'parody' movies that came after it.

So, RIP Peter Graves, you really made me laugh.

Wrath of Lamb March 12/10

I say bravo Pink Floyd.

They have successfully fought in court to stop the sale of their individual songs as downloads. That's because they want to retain their artistic vision of having their albums be one whole piece of music. And the judge agreed, so EMI has been ordered pay damages and stop selling single songs. In this day and age, it's nice to see a band with so much integrity. Anyone who has been a fan of Pink Floyd, and I'm one of them, knows that a huge part of experiencing their music is listening to the entire album from start to finish... on headphones... and preferably in some type of altered state. I'll put it this way... this song playing now is called 'Any Colour You Like'... you figure it out. So, I say, bravo Pink Floyd! Way to stick to your principles.

Now I gotta go stare at my hand for about an hour.

Wrath of Lamb March 08/10

So, Dylan's feeling a little under the weather this morning, after a weekend in Las Vegas with his buddies. It's funny, because I just booked a trip to Vegas yesterday. It was one of my old high school friend's brilliant ideas that since we're all turning 40 this year, we should go to Vegas. So, there's like 7 or 8 of us going. All guys. We're all married, and most of us have kids, so you would think 'Well, it'll be pretty low-key, these guys are responsible family-men'. But that's the problem... and that's exactly why our group is potentially more dangerous than a group of twenty-two year olds going down there.

That's because we're not used to the freedom... we can't handle it.

I predict we'll all go completely crazy the first night, then spend the next two days hungover and feeling guilty for having so much fun. We'll just wander around Las Vegas like zombies, taking turns calling our wives to let them know we're all right.

Good times.

Wrath of Lamb March 05/10

Goodbye and good riddance Ian Thow.

He's the guy who scammed millions of dollars from dozens of people while he worked as an investment adviser here in Victoria. You know you're not a popular guy when your lawyer and the prosecuting lawyer agree that a seven year sentence seems fair, but the judge says... 'Uh, no, I'm gonna give you nine years, two years extra because you're such an arsehole'. Thow hasn't shown any remorse for what he's done. He preyed mostly on old people, many of whom lost their marriages, their homes and their life savings because of this creep. If you see a picture of him, he's this fat, blotchy man with beady little eyes who you just want to punch in the face.

I'm not a religious man, but I really hope there comes a time when he has to truly answer for what he's done. The level of greed and heartlessness... to scam senior citizens out of the money they have spent a lifetime trying to save... well, that's about the lowest of the low. I hope Ian Thow has a horrible time in prison, being someone's involuntary girlfriend. And then I hope he spends eternity in a nice hot place, paying back the ten million bucks by wiping the bums of a million old people with ten dollar bills.

Wrath of Lamb March 02/10

We've all been up to our eyeballs in Canadian patriotism in the last few weeks, and that's great. A lot of  'I Am Canadian' stuff, like the Molson ads, and the stuff they did in the closing ceremonies. I thought it would be nice to localize it a bit. So I present to you:

I Am Victorian!!

My name is Jason and I am Victorian. I will drive for half an hour behind someone doing 20k with their blinker on, and never honk, because they are old and I am Victorian. I know where the Empress tea room, the Wax Museum and Miniature World are, but I've never been to any of them. I understand terms like 'The Colwood Crawl', 'Two-Sailing Wait', 'The Breakwater' and 'Flower Count'. To me, 'Tillikum Maul' doesn't mean a killer whale attack... it means juvenile delinquent attack.

I can't drive in the snow, but I'll still complain about other people who can't drive in the snow. And, finally, if you are a tourist visiting my fine city, I won't laugh when you ask me how far you have to drive to see polar bears or what time the Undersea Gardens sets sail.

Because my name is Jason, and I Am Victorian.