Wrath of Lamb December 17/09

Somebody in North Vancouver stole a Salvation Army donation kettle on Tuesday. This seems to happen every year, and I just have one thing to say about this...

TIE DOWN THE DAMN KETTLES!!!

You probably weren't expecting that reaction, were you? Every single year a story comes out about one of these kettles being stolen, usually with a headline something like 'Grinch steals Salvation Army kettle, but not Christmas spirit'. Well, you could have both the money AND the Christmas spirit if you just, I don't know...

TIED DOWN THE DAMN KETTLE!

People get all shocked... 'how can these people be so heartless?' Listen... people who steal things, we'll call them 'thieves', don't care how other people feel... If they did... They wouldn't be thieves! Yes, I think people who steal are scum, especially ones who steal from charity, but like it or not, this is the world we live in. You stick a giant glass orb full of money on the street, dangling from a hook, what do you think is gonna happen?

TIE DOWN THE DAMN KETTLES!

Wrath of Lamb December 16/09

I want to add a word to my list yesterday of the words I don't want to see in 2010. The word is 'hero'. I'm okay with the word being used in its proper context, but it has become so overused its basically meaningless now. I happened across 'Wheel of Fortune' last night, and it was 'heroes' night. The contestants were all in the US military. That does not make them heroes, I'm sorry. Neither does being a firefighter, a cop or a paramedic.

Those are simply career choices.

A guy that runs into a burning building to rescue a family he's never met... THAT's a hero. Someone who sees a person drowing in a lake and jumps in with no thought of their own safety, that's a hero. It may be too late, but let's try to save the word 'hero' for people who deserve it. Because if everyone's a hero, then nobody's a hero.

Ya get me?

Wrath of Lamb December 15/09

Well, we're coming to the end of another year, so I thought I would give you a list of the words and phrases that I think should stay behind in 2009, and never rear their ugly heads again.

First...

'Sexting'... I don't really know what it is, and I've never had it happen to me, so maybe I'm just a little jealous. But 'sexting' is a stupid word, and it should be called what it really is... 'ruining you life'.

Number two....

'Green'... Just putting the word 'green' beside something doesn't make it environmentally friendly. The big corporations learned long ago that people will scoop things up if they say 'green' on them. Green toilet paper. Green dish soap. Green baby harbour seals. It means nothing.

Three...

'Lo-Jo'... this is a local one, it is supposed to stand for 'Lower Johnson'... it's a vain attempt to create some hip neighbourhood. Give it up... besides, last time I checked, 'Lo-Jo' was some abandoned buildings and a Salvation Army.

Number four...

'Bailout'... let's put this one back where it belongs... on a sinking boat.

And finally...

'I Believe'... the whole Olympics campaign annoys me. 'Do you believe'? Yes, I believe I'll never be able to afford to see any of the events. I believe the taxpayers in this province will be paying for this for many years to come. I believe it has become an overblown mess... and I believe the Olympic Games are a giant waste of time. But at least they'll be green.

Thank you.

Wrath of Lamb December 11/09

I'm thinking about my friend Owen this morning. He died 8 years ago today, and I miss him. Owen was a good friend, with whom I shared some life changing moments. When I was 19 years old, Owen and I spent three months travelling through the US and Canada, and then three years later we went to Mardi Gras in New Orleans together. I met him when I was in grade 8 or 9, and he was kind of a quirky guy with not alot of friends, but by graduation, he was one of the most popular kids in school. His parents' place was our hangout in high school... they had a basement with a pool table, a stereo and a beer fridge, and it was often the starting point of our evenings.

He died under somewhat mysterious circumstances... he was staying at his folks' place in Oak Bay, and went out for a walk in the middle of the night. He came home with a massive head injury. He died two days later. There was even a homicide investigation, where the police interviewed everyone, including me... but they ended up ruling it an accident... a fall. We held a big party for Owen up at UVic, and a couple hundred people showed up to pay their respects. We all got drunk, just like Owen would have wanted.

I realize this Wrath of Lamb is totally self-serving, but I don't care.

This one's for Owen... rest in peace, buddy...I miss you and I think about you all the time.

Wrath of Lamb December 09/09

I've noticed a resurgence of 80's styles in the last little while, and I think it's hilarious. The 80's were a terrible decade for fashion and music... trust me, I was there. And now it's all coming back into vogue. I've seen shirts with neon pink and green triangles, girls wearing big hoop earrings and scrunchies. I've even seen leg warmers. Leg warmers!

In the 80's, I was a rocker.

I didn't subscribe to the pastels and the feathered hair and the rolled up sleeves on the polo shirt. I wore a Black Sabbath t-shirt and jeans. Every single day. Everything sucked about the 80's. The hair, the fashion, and especially the music. Everybody Wang Chung tonight? What does that even mean? Everyone's dancing around, 'Everybody Wang Chung tonight!!'... maybe Wang Chung means stick a knife in the side of your head.

Please, let the 80's die.

Wrath of Lamb December 08/09

It was 29 years ago today that John Lennon was murdered. After all this time, his influence is undeniable. Why anybody would want to kill John Lennon is beyond me. The man stood for nothing but peace, love and music. I was nine years old when Lennon got shot and I remember my mom crying. I asked her what was wrong and she said that someone that she loved had died. She assured me that it was nobody that I knew.

But as I got older that changed.

Anyone who is a fan of the Beatles and John Lennon feels a connection with his music, his voice and his lyrics that goes beyond just listening to a record. The world lost a loved one 29 years ago, and it's never been the same. So put on some Beatles or some John Lennon today and think about how we can try and make this a better world.

Wrath of Lamb December 07/09

I am really bad at remembering people's names. Like really bad. Really really bad. I think maybe I come across as a snob sometimes, but running into people I've met before sends waves of panic through my entire body. Unless I've met you, say, 15 times, you can be pretty sure I don't remember your name. I do alot of 'hey man, good to see you, buddy... how are things...you?' When I'm talking to someone whose name I should remember, I do this thing where I run a rolodex through my mind.

I start in alphabetical order, hoping the name will pop into my head.

A... Anna? no. Alexis? no. Abigail? no. B... Bianca? Betty? Beth? no. Okay, C... Carol? Connie? Christine? THAT'S IT! Christine! 'So, how are things, Christine?' 'It's Wanda'.

Oh crap... I was way off.