Wrath of Lamb September 08/10

The following is my review of 'Max and Ruby Live' yesterday at the Royal theatre.

As I entered the Royal theatre for the matinee presentation of Max and Ruby live - Bunny Party, the air of anticipation was palpable. The animated brother and sister rabbits from Treehouse TV were finally in our fair city, and we were ready for them. When the lights dimmed and the theme song came on, the screams of children was deafening.

Then it all started to go terribly wrong for me.

Two large stuffed rabbit mascots came on stage... looking less like Max and Ruby, and more like something from Donnie Darko. A very weak storyline unfolded, as the two prepared for a birthday party for a 'special mystery guest'. With substandard musical numbers and dancing, we were subjected to a trip to the store, a ride on the bus and back home again. The production value teetered somewhere between a grade 4 play and a homeless person's puppet show. The crying and generally bored response from the audience, was indicative of the overall disappointment.

After a 15 minute intermission... added, apparently, to sell overpriced stickers and annoying light wands, we settled back in for the conclusion. This reviewer did not see the end, as my companion very loudly declared 'I WANT GET OUT.... GET FENCH FIES!!'... I hear ya buddy. I never learned the identity of the special mystery birthday guest, but I'll bet dollars to donuts it was Grandma Bunny. All in all, a rather unsatisfactory experience, and a feeling that Max and Ruby must be laughing all the way to their bunny bank.

Let's hope for a better concert-going experience when Toopy and Binoo come to town.

Wrath of Lamb September 07/10

Well, today marks exactly two years that I've been working on the morning show here at The Zone. Two years. Wow. When I started here, I really didn't know what to expect.... I was the new guy, but I was also the old guy. Since then, I have spent every morning, five days a week, with Dylan Willows... for TWO years now. He's the first person I see in the morning... lucky lucky me.

This job has been pretty interesting... I've been on aircraft carriers, an ice cream truck, the petting zoo. I've been to tons of concerts and met hundreds of listeners, and even had the opportunity to do some charity work, which always feels good.. I want to say thanks to all the Zoners who come up to me at comedy shows and stuff, and tell me how much they love the morning show. It means alot. I still feel like the old guy sometimes, but I no longer feel like the new guy. We've got a couple young whipper-snappers here now, so I'm not the low man on the totem pole anymore.

People often ask me if Dylan and I actually hate each other... and it's a valid question... 'cause when we fight, we really fight... there's no acting there. But we always hug it out at the end, because when it comes down to it, we've grown to love each other. And I love working here, and I hope everyone wants me to stick around, so I can mark more anniversaries in the future. Thanks everyone!

Wrath of Lamb September 06/10

I hate Dave Sawchuk. About two weeks ago. when Dylan was away, Dave spend a good chunk of the morning talking about his experience dealing with a wolf spider. It was wolf spider this, wolf spider that. Since then, when I'm at home, I'll have little pangs of fear, as I remember 'Oh, maybe there's a wolf spider around here somewhere'.

Well, yesterday it happened.

We have a double sink in our kitchen, on one side we wash the dishes, the other side has a large plastic drying rack thing in it. Yesterday, I was cleaning up, and I lifted the drying rack to give that side of the sink a scrub... and there it was. A wolf spider... the size of an aircraft carrier. I jumped back, dropping the drying rack and breaking several dishes.

Then the battle began... I turned on the tap full blast, which knocked the spider down, but only pissed him off, as he quickly ran up the side and onto the counter. In one motion, I swept him back into the sink with a tea towel, while turning on the kettle. I grabbed an unbroken cup and splashed water on him, sending him down the drainhole. But that's not enough, as I know from previous experience... these things can live through just about anything. So out came the dish detergent and the boiling water. I think that did the trick.

My wife came home, and after I explained the carnage, she told me she had seen a wolf spider in the living room. I said 'How did you kill it?' She said 'I didn't... I scooped it up and put it outside'.

Pfffft.... girls.

Wrath of Lamb September 03/10

So, we find out the BC Liberal government were talking about the HST before the election campaign last year. Of course, they have been saying for months that it 'wasn't even on their radar' until after the election. So they're liars. More than 700-thousand people in this province took the time to sign a petition against the HST, far more than was required to send the issue to the legislature. But the government has been doing everything in its power to stall the process, and make it as difficult as possible to move forward. Do you ever feel like maybe the government doesn't give a crap what anybody thinks... that they're gonna do what they want, regardless of the will of the people?

That's not what is supposed to happen... the government is supposed to be elected by the people, for the people, to act on behalf of the people. This Liberals are acting like they have noone to answer to, and unfortunately, maybe that's the case. I honestly believe that if the government had pulled this kind of garbage 30 or 40 years ago, there would be giant protests in the streets... people would be screaming from the rooftops for a new election. But these days, people are too distracted by other mundane things, and have a general attitude of 'well, there's nothing I can do about it, so why bother?' And Campbell and his boys love that, because it means they can do whatever they want, cash their giant paycheques, and rule this province with impunity, with noone to answer to. Pretty sad.

Wrath of Lamb September 02/10

I think we can learn alot from kids. My son is quite obsessed with construction equipment, especially backhoes, dump trucks and steamrollers, which he calls 'rock n rolls'. I was playing with him in our front yard yesterday, when he spotted some construction happening up the street, in front of our local corner store. He wanted to check it out, so we walked up there... we got a popsicle from the store and stood and watched the construction for about an hour. He was completely fascinated... 'Ooooh wow... big truck... OH!! backhoe! backhoe! Ha ha!' He kept yelling out to the construction workers 'Nice job, man!' and they would smile and wave at him.

Such a simple thing brought him so much happiness.

It made me wish life was that easy... made me wish that we weren't constantly distracted by the stresses of work, bills, money, trying to keep up with our neighbours. I think the world would be a better place if we all just tried to see thing through the eyes of children.

Take a moment and smell the backhoes.

Wrath of Lamb September 01/10

I found out this week that one of the young comics that's been coming to amateur nights at Hecklers, has been telling my jokes on stage. He was at gig in another town, and he told one of my best jokes, word for word. What he didn't know is the guy he was doing the show with happens to be one of my best friends.

I know it was not a case of him writing a similar joke by mistake, because I know he's seen me do the joke at Hecklers. Aaargh. There really is no feeling like being stolen from. And stealing jokes and ideas is no different than stealing my i-Pod or my DVD player. In fact, I think it's worse. It's a feeling of being totally violated. In the comedy business, being a joke thief is the absolute lowest of the low.

And it happens in radio too, sometimes.

The bright side, is that people who jack other people's ideas... do it because they lack the talent and creativity to think of something original on their own. They will continue to steal until they get caught and exposed, because that is all they know how to do. On the other hand, original and creative people can always think of more ideas and more jokes, and that is why we will always win.

Wrath of Lamb August 31/10

So, the city is now making the move to ban camping on boulevards... in an effort to stop all those folks from hanging out and living in the middle of Pandora Avenue. It's gonna take an amendment to their streets and traffic bylaw. Okay, then why didn't they do this before? I don't know if you've driven down the 900-block of Pandora lately, but it resembles something like a refugee camp. It's one of those sticky situations, because if they remove them from Pandora, then they will most certainly set up somewhere else. And who knows where that might be.

At least with Pandora, there is a certain containment... the police know where they are, and the good folks of Victoria know which street to avoid. The problem is, there are people who live and work down in that area, and it's no fault of their own that they have to walk through that mess every day. It's interesting to note, that to deal with the camping problem, the city opened up 85 more shelter beds this summer, but they remain only half full. Which means the people camping on Pandora are not there out of necessity... they're there because it's a place to hang out with complete freedom. Kind of hard to garner a lot of sympathy there. I'll guarantee when the weather turns wet and cold, those shelter beds will be full. Being homeless and addicted to drugs must be awful, and everything must be done to help these folks clean up and get off the street. But when those same people shun help, and would rather party in the middle of our downtown streets, it's time to put the foot down.